Archive for the ‘Others’ Category

On getting a house…

Wow, I can’t believe how long I’ve avoided this post, at first I avoided talking about the subject because I didn’t want to jinx it, and then I got overwhelmed with wedding planning. But here it is: We have a house!

Two weekends ago, Luis moved in and he’s been finally living in his our very own home.

Having the house is not as easy as it sounded a month ago. The selling company worked on it, but there are a lot of things we still need to do. Luis keeps talking about changing power outlets  and plumbing, he had to get custom-made and installed iron bars on the window, we need to add an access door to the hall leading to the back patio, so we could keep the laundry machine outside (it is currently in the kitchen). There’s a lot to do, and although none of it feels like a big necessity right now, they all have to be done eventually and it’s somehow stressful.

Now, I’ve been somehow reluctant to call it our home. It feels odd, I don’t live there yet, I feel like I didn’t contribute at all with getting the house and I don’t really connect with it, yet. Luis gets a tiny tad mad when I say it’s his house, correcting me with a very marked “our house”, but it still feels odd, he’s been the one putting all his efforts on this, money, time and sweat, while I’ve been here not really doing anything other than asking for updates.

But let’s focus on the bright side, this is ours (!!):


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Comforting without God…

I’m not a comforting person, I’ve never been one. I have no idea what to say when someone’s in trouble, or sad, or lost, or mourning. I’m the kind of person who says “I’m sorry” and although meaning it, feel like it comes out fake.

Last January at a family funeral I found myself telling the mourners “she’s on a better place now”, it feels comforting, but truth is I don’t believe in life after death, I don’t believe in anything after death, if we have to go there, I don’t believe in heaven and I don’t believe in god.

It baffles people, my belief (or lack thereof). It makes people think I’m crazy, I’m going through a silly phase or I’m an awful person. I’m not.

But, back to the point: Recently a family member went through a very rough time, and I found myself struggling for words when trying to comfort her. My mom says things like “God, does things for a reason”, “it’s all part of god’s plan”, “he has something bigger prepared for you”. I grew up listening to these kinds of things, so I have no idea how to comfort someone without mentioning God.

So why not just use god? I’d feel fake, especially now that my family knows I’m not a believer. I try not to mention god on my everyday life, out of respect to people, I don’t say “Oh my god” or “Thank god” cause it feel false and disrespectful.

I don’t believe in destiny, I don’t believe there’s a great plan we’re meant to fulfill, I think things happen out of nothing and if they’re good great and if they’re not, too bad.

I’m not sure if I don’t know what to say because I don’t know how to do it without involving god, or if I’m just not a good comforter. But what do you say? How do you tell this person that life goes on?

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So we found a house, no big deal… Who am I kidding? holly shizballs it is a HUGE deal!

Two weekends ago on my last trip to Hermosillo (you know the one I was dreading cause I didn’t feel motivated) we visited this house. Good, gated neighborhood, big rooms, good kitchen, in a relatively good location. Driving back from Hermosillo we started talking and not even realizing how that happen Luis said he’ll call the company on Monday, I was not sure of it till he said that, it felt right.

So, we technically have a house, the paperwork engine already started but we have to wait 1.5 months till we actually get the keys. The house’s in a not so good condition, but the selling company’s renovating it and leaving it on a livable condition before giving it to us.

I’m excited, it’s actually a great house, it has good spaces, it lacks a reasonable sized backyard and front yard, but it has a nearby park, practically in front of the house where our kids and dog can run around. I see ourselves living here, I imagine kids running around, I see a home.

It hit me a few days ago when Luis said, you can finally call it your house too. It’ll be 4 months before I can move there, but it doesn’t matter, it’s good Luis can have some time to enjoy it himself, he bought it after all.

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Right after the wedding I’ll be moving with Luis to Hermosillo, that means I’ll have to change some things, but I’m focusing on the silly things, the little things. So here is the short list of the things I don’t feel like doing when moving:

● Change my phone number: I’ve had the same number for about 7 years now, it’s an easy number, it’s actually one digit different from my dad’s, I don’t want to change it I get ridiculously attached to silly things and one of them is my cellphone number, thing is, I HAVE to change it since I’m moving to a different area code and every single thing I do with my phone there will have an extra charge, so I need a new, local number.

● Change my ID card: In Mexico we have an official ID that needs to be updated with your current address. Luis seems happy about this change, since he’s been struggling with paper work because his ID says he lives in Obregon. For me it just sounds as other tedious process.

● Change my credit card’s billing address: I think it’s just a phone call, but I’m stubborn and lame and I’m actually annoyed by this.

I know part of my apathy is due to the stress of our house hunting process, I am not excited right now, let’s see how I feel later.

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A stressful process…

I’m on my way to Hermosillo, we’re looking at a couple houses today in the hopes of finding our future home. Luis is excited, he already saw the places and liked one of them and it looks like he thinks this might be the one.

I’m somehow not excited, this is the second Saturday on a row I go there and right now I don’t feel like making the trip, I’m on an awful emotional state, angry and grumpy and bitchy, not even I feel like being around myself.

I’m stressed out, I feel pressure for picking a house, I feel every month we delay this is other month Luis is going to spend wasting his money on rent. The thing is I have high expectations for the house I want for us, I don’t want a mansion but whenever we see a house I start picturing kids running around, days spend on the kitchen, traffic in the morning trying to get the kids to school… I imagine a home, not a house and so far I haven’t pictured myself doing any of those things on the houses we’ve seen.

House hunting has been by far more stressing than wedding planning. I hope this is it, but in the state of mind I’m in, I feel like I won’t like whatever we see today.

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When people hear I’m getting married at 23 years old, they usually comment about my age, “but you’re so young”, “you just finished school”, “you should live your life before getting married”.

That last comment has always bothered both Mr. Toadstool and I. What do people mean by “living your life”? Are we dead now? Are we going to die once we get married? A surprisingly high amount of people has told me I should just “live my life” before getting married, and the same thing has happened to Mr. Toadstool.

I know what people are probably trying to say is that we should enjoy ourselves without being tied to another person and do whatever a single person is supposed to do. But we’re not interested in that lifestyle. We were never the clubbing, partying, getting crazy kind of people, we’re used to each other’s company without smothering the other and we both have our friends and interests apart from each other, we both lived by ourselves in our own way and we survived an LDR just to find how much we need each other’s company, we’re ready to live our life together.

Contrasting with everything I just mentioned, my grandma (dad’s mom) got married when she was just 17 years old –that was the normal thing to do in her little village- so she thinks marrying young is just the right thing to do. Fueling my grandma´s idea of young brides are my older cousins: my oldest female cousin got married at 17 and the second at 21. I’m the third oldest female cousin on my dad’s side of the family, so when the 4th cousin (2 years younger than me) announced her engagement last year, I turned -in their eyes- into waity-Katie.

Cute, but definetly too young.
Image via Squidoo. Photo by Anne Geddes.

The moral of the story here is that you’ll never please people. Some say we’re too young, others say we’re getting old by the second, but we think we’re just in time. There’s a plan behind all this, there’s a timeline for us to “live our life” as a married couple and have kids in the time we think will be right, we’re not just jumping into things cause marriage is in vogue, we though about it for a while and decided this is the right time for us. Time’s on our side.

Did people commented about your age when getting engaged?

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They did have a wedding, a small one but the legend says my mom told my dad she just wanted a house and honeymoon, no reception, just a small ceremony.

After my parents got engaged and decided they didn’t want a wedding my grandparents and uncles protested against the idea. They getting married was too much of a big deal to let it pass, just like that (so they say). Someone borrowed the place they used as a venue, my mom cooked the food, my uncles pitched in for alcohol, they were gifted their pro pictures (about 3) and every other picture is family taken, my mom borrowed every single piece of her bridal gown and didn’t decorate the church. It was the ultimate DIY wedding and even then my mom talks about it like it was something they did for everyone else, not them.

Well, when I started telling my parents about the wedding we want and the venue we already booked they were surprised. My mom stated she thought we weren’t going to have a wedding and my dad joked about my conception of a “small wedding”. All this came in the middle of sarcastic comments about the waste of money and how immature we were for it.

I’m going to be honest with you I was deeply hurt. I never expected my parents to be 100% supportive with this wedding but I though we were doing a good job keeping it real, so their waste of money statement was a low blow.

As I previously said I DO want a wedding (c’mon I’m blogging about it), I don’t intend to be Kate Middleton for a day here with an over the top celebration, but I want us joining our lives to be a big deal. I’m not settling with this wedding, this is the wedding I want, simple, small, us, but it’s sill too much in their eyes.

If Mr. Toadstool tells me right now we shouldn’t have a wedding I’d elope with him in a second, will I be sad? Probably but I’ll accept it cause it’s about us. I reached the point where I don’t care about anyone’s opinion but his’

All this reached its peak when in the middle of a wedding, marriage, looking-for-a-job-where-Mr.T-lives (so you’re moving in with him?) argument/confusion; they gave me the cold shoulder for almost a week, quite something if you consider we live in the same small house. We finally sat and talk about it and just like that everything changed, they’re now on board, they get excited about wedding stuff and even get involved in the planning.

Were your parents on board with the kind of wedding you wanted? How involved are they in the planning process?

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